Before I begin this review I want to have a content warning about the review itself, due to the nature of this book, I will be talking about eating disorders, alcohol abuse, and other forms of self-harm. Please be aware of this before you continue reading the review.
Like many people my age, I grew up watching Jennette McCurdy on iCarly and Sam and Cat. Her character was what a lot of girls probably wanted to be when they were young: herself. Of course, when you're ten years old watching Nickelodeon you really have no concept of what it's like for the actors or that the actors have a life that is different from the characters they play.
Jennette's life as a child actor is heartbreaking. Her desire to make her mother happy leads her to give up on the things that will make her happy. Her mother teaches her how to stay skinny and manipulates her constantly.
Luckily, Jennette's story gets better. She doesn't stay trapped in her mother's grasp repeating the same toxic patterns for the entirety of her life. This is where the title comes from of course, but I won't go too much into detail for those who have yet to read the book.
I started her memoir the day it came out, but I was still dodging spoilers from news outlets on day one. Luckily, I managed to resist the urge to click any links and let myself hear it all from Jennette herself.
I listened to the audiobook, a good choice as her book sold out in hard copy on day one and is on a long hold in most libraries. It was also interesting to hear her read her own story. She has an excellent voice and does a great impersonation of Miranda Cosgrove. What I loved most about her book is how she really made me feel like I was there with her from day one. Her narration is absolutely excellent.
There's something so honest about her book too. There are many minor details she probably could have skipped on but by filling us in, she made me feel like I was more intimately involved in her story.
I really appreciate her transparency when discussing her eating disorder as well. I imagine it was difficult to write about. She brings her readers into the dark parts of it though. For me, I think this is really valuable. Her eating disorder (anorexia) is first taught to her by her mother. Later she develops a problem with binging as she copes with stress related to her mother. Then she develops bulimia as a result of the shame she feels from her binging. Her struggle with multiple types of eating disorders is one I think we don't often see. We're often told it's one or the other, not multiple throughout our life. Of course, everyone's experiences with eating disorders are different.
I know that even for people without eating disorders, food and exercise can be something they have a complicated relationship with. I appreciate Jennette's honesty and am truly glad that she made an effort toward recovery. I'm glad she was finally able to put herself first and prioritize her happiness and mental health.
For me, her book is inspiring. Even though she had people to help her she did so many difficult things in order to improve for herself. I can't stress enough that seeking help with her mental illness, eating disorder, breaking out of a career she didn't enjoy and ending things with people she loved because it wasn't good for her is so hard. And here she is, she became a writer which she's always enjoyed and she seems to be doing really well.
Her book has honestly encouraged me to take a harder look at my own mental illness and to start seeking resources to help myself. I feel like if she can dig herself out of this deep hole she spent so much of her life in, I can too.
I really enjoyed this book. I am hopeful that she will continue to write if that's what makes her happy because she is very good at it. Again, make sure to check content warnings, this is a very intense book. I recommend looking at StoryGraph for a full list of content warnings.
Happy reading!
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