Let me tell y'all one thing from the start, the description of this book on Amazon was very misleading. I was not prepared for the way this book took me and broke me. Before I talk about this book, I'm going to give a content warning that this can bring up some religious trauma. Please be kind to yourself when choosing to read this review and this book. Also, if you're religious, this book may be offensive to you, so again, this may be a review you want to skip. Also, I can't talk about this book without SPOILERS so I apologize in advance.
Let's set the scene. I'm scrolling through Instagram and see one of my mutuals posting this book with its lovely cover. I hear the description. It sounds like something I'd enjoy. I hop on over to the Kindle app and borrow it from Kindle Unlimited. At first, this book is making me sob because it's so sweet. I'm waiting for the bad stuff to happen, knowing it will come, but not expecting it to be as bad as it got in the book. Then very quickly, everything went downhill. It changed from sweet to very traumatic: gore, violence, etc. I'm shocked because I was not expecting this at all, but I'm so invested in the book that I can't just stop reading it. This book taught me that I can read with tears gushing out of my eyes. I just keep reading even though it hurts so bad. It's so beautifully written, though, and I'm like, yes, please hurt me more. I finish it, and I'm wrecked. I'm sobbing. I can't even think about it without crying. I keep trying to record a video or even simple stuff, but again, I'm crying. I read the highlighted quotes, crying. After I stopped crying, though, I felt so good. I loved this book. I really needed the emotional damage it provided me. Writing this, I want to go read it again. I need like 600 paperback copies. I'm ready to write English papers on this book. This is probably one of my favorite books ever.
So what was this beautifully painful book I read about? It's a retelling of Lucifer's fall from grace. In this, he falls in love with Michael, and that causes his fall from grace. That's essentially the description on Amazon. That makes it seem like it's this heartbreaking story about falling in love being someone's downfall which it is. However, it leaves out the important details.
The book starts with Lucifer's coming into consciousness. We, as the reader, get to watch him discover everything for the first time. We get to see as he sees that he is painfully beautiful. We see as he realizes his purpose. We see him build friendships. We see how shy he is. We see how entirely devoted to God he is. And we see when he and Michael first meet. Their relationship is so sweet and tender. And although God says that angels are made whole and don't need another angel to fulfill them, the angels all seem to have someone that compliments them. For Lucifer and Michael, it's each other. But in his love, Michael teaches Lucifer something that really changes him, pride.
(Spoilers start here)
We see as Lucifer becomes more prideful and more devoted to Michael, he is punished by God. And slowly, Lucifer changes and does these horrible things. Michael loves Lucifer dearly and is blind to his behavior. Lucifer becomes emboldened by his punishments. He begins to create an act reserved solely for God. He changes from the sweet, devoted person he was into this cruel, vain being. He was resistant to it at first, but he gives in when God tells him he is the evil within himself. Lucifer decides he must replace God, and in order to do so, he must pull all the other angels down with him. He begins creating acts of great violence, he teaches the angels sex, and he teaches them to lie. And Michael, in his love for Lucifer, believes that he can be redeemed even when he has done unforgivable things.
Lucifer begs Michael to rule with him, to be by his side. And throughout his downfall, he keeps thinking, "I waited for your touch to save me." But Michael denies him, and Lucifer wonders if he imagined all the things he saw in Michael if he was just looking at himself reflected onto Michael. Still, he doesn't give up hope that Michael will choose him above God if it comes down to it, and it does. God commands Michael to take Lucifer down, and Michael pleads with Lucifer again to stop, to take it all back, and to repent. Lucifer won't, and he asks Michael if he loved him. And Michael delivers to of the lines that hit me so deep within me. First, '"You've spoiled me dirty, ruined me."' And second, the one that really broke me, '"You're everything to me, the stars and the moons, the heat and the cold, the earth and the seeds, the waters and the flowers, but you are not God."' And I don't know why that hit me so hard. Perhaps because I, too, feel that there are things more important, bigger than an all-encompassing love. I believe that what is right matters more than who I love. And I do not believe in the strict rules of sin, but I do believe that kindness is my god. Lucifer lost kindness, lost rightness, lost God in his fall from grace, and that was not a path that Michael could follow.
(Spoilers done)
I could write and speak forever in this book. It has impacted me in ways that there are no words to explain. This book broke me in ways that healed me. I loved this book. It is beautifully written, I hope to write something half as beautifully as this. And I don't reread books, but I think I'll reread this one, and I think it'll impact me as if I were reading it for the first time.
I'm not sure I can say I recommend this book. I feel that Tiktok sound of you don't have to like it because it was made for me. I don't know that it would impact others in the way it impacted me. I don't know that others will find it as beautiful as I did. I don't know that the hurt won't be too much. I love this book with my whole heart.
As far as content warnings are concerned, this book is very dark. It contains extreme gore, murder, torture, sexual content (not really consensual), religious trauma, and more. StoryGraph has an extremely long list of content warnings as provided by other readers. Please check out the content warnings, this book is intense. I didn't before I read it, and I was not prepared. Did I learn my lesson? Will I now be looking at content warnings? Probably not. Most of the time, I don't even know what the book I'm going to read is about. I'm very irresponsible with my mental health. Don't be like me.
You can get this book as a part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription.
Happy reading!
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